What's happening to my body now? What's causing me to sleep so much? Why is there always something going wrong?
Being chronically ill can be exhausting, discouraging, frustrating, unending, dispiriting....I feel sad, anxious, concerned, worried, out of control, and wonder if what I'm doing is helping me or hurting me. Are the medications being used to help actually shortening my life? And yet if I don't try something could the disease itself shorten my life? I know it can make me lose what independence I have left if I don't at least try...hell of a choice: longer life but much less independence or shorter life with side effects and independence...It can all be so disheartening after a while...and then a friend writes with good news, or someone wraps their arms around me just to say hello (when you're disabled you usually only get touched by health care workers and sometimes family), or a small furry loved one sticks her nose in my neck and burys her face just to tell me how much she loves and trusts me, or an unexpected warm day beckons and in answering it's beckon I see an Eagle soaring overhead.
The good and the bad; the fearful and the healing; the light and the dark. A life of duality. Just like Minnesota weather, wait a few minutes - it'll change.
Jeri, I had no idea of your struggles. You write so very well, and I will pursue reading your blog until I've read it all. You've gone through so much in your life, and I just want to tell you how much I admire your spirit, which is so apparent through your writing. You have a down to earth sensability and truely do accept the dark with the light. A skill most of us struggle with. Thank you so much for your efforts to educate and enlighten us! Hugs!
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