Just finished another hospital stay. My life is changing again. My shoulders are disintegrating from Rheumatoid Arthritis and sleeping has been very painful the last couple of months. Because of the contractures in my knees I have had to sleep on my side for about 10 years with only brief periods on my back. Now, sleeping on my side is painful as well. I discovered in the hospital that laying in a bed was no longer feasible if I wanted to sleep comfortably, so now I sleep in my reclining/tilting wheelchair...no more bed. It's hard to wrap my head around. I didn't see it coming. It's a good choice but means so many different things: I'm getting worse...I'm losing another piece of everyday life...grieving the old and learning the new...it means not as many transfers which gives my entire body much less work to undertake...which means my joints will last that much longer. What seems bad is actually good...what's good has become bad...change....grieving...letting go...acceptance...moving on...
When you crawl into bed tonight, enjoy the feel of the cool sheets against your skin, the warmth of your favorite quilt, the relief of your muscles slowly letting go and relaxing, rolling over on your stomach, stretching your legs out to hang over the end of the bed, or curling up in a ball. It is a precious experience to be able to take for granted...enjoy every second. It's the things we take for granted that are the most precious.
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